Sony Drops “The Interview”

slowburn

We’ve entered a new era of the cinema, my peeps.

With North Korea giving all the studios the creeps.

Producers and directors now are pussy-footing round;

“The Interview” has driven poor old Sony to the ground.

 

I foresee that studios will bow to hacker threats,

And never make a movie that their dignity upsets.

Dictatorships will be depicted as upstanding states;

Mass murderers as loners who are looking for some mates.

 

All movie critics will become proactive and extreme;

Taking on the studios just like the old A Team.

Going to the movies is become somewhat war-torn;

You never know if land mines might go off in your popcorn.

Posted in Editorial, Humor, North Korea, Poetry | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

The Christmas Dinner.

santa

O, I have set the festive board with nibbles and great noshes,

And now I hear the patter of my fam’ly’s wet galoshes!

We gather round the groaning board for feast and fellowshipping;

Who wants mashed potatoes, full of cream – fresh from the whipping?

 

But Molly won’t touch starches and big Sammy can’t have dairy.

Little Tommy wants a smoothie – so does his brother Gary.

Andy is a vegan and his wife eats Paleo –

This Yuletide banquet is a flop – o, ding dong day-leo!

 

Low sodium for ev’ryone, excepting me of course

(damn these diets anyways – for I could eat a horse!)

Sugar is verboten to the grandkids one and all;

They gnaw on flint granola bars (it nearly makes me bawl!)

 

The turkey stands uneaten and the ham is cooling fast.

The dinner rolls deflating – what of gourmandizing past?

The pickles and the relish and the cookies and the pie

Are fodder for the animals, not the apples of my eye.

 

Bah, humbug, to these weaklings who claim kinship to my flesh!

They won’t touch pickled herring but must have organic fresh.

I’ll burn the tree and send their gifts to orphans in Peru.

And so I wish a very merry Christmas-time to you!

Posted in Food, Holidays, Humor, Poetry | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Cuba Rejoices While Republicans Burn.

"LMFAO"

 

Republicans are gnashing their white dentures up & down;

Obama’s made of Cuba a real country, not a clown.

No longer will the country serve as awful bugaboo,

But soon Havana will receive the grand red, white and blue!

 

The Democrats will take full credit for this change of pace

And use it to advantage in the presidential race.

While Rubio and others predict nothing but dark doom

As part of the stern platform for their electioneering boom.

 

It won’t affect the Cubans much; they don’t vote anyways.

They still are waiting for a Castro’s dream of better days.

So while the hoopla grows for Uncle Sam’s superb routines,

The heirs to revolution would be thankful for some beans.

 

 

Posted in Editorial, Humor | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

A Burst of Methane, or Life on Mars?

martian

A burst of methane on the planet Mars has given wings

To scientists who speculate on carbon-bearing things.

A sign of life upon the orb named for the god of war?

This is what our weary world has just been waiting for!

 

If those methanogens have evolved sufficiently,

We can send ambassadors to offer amity.

Then a wave of franchises arrives at Hellas basin;

The work of merchandizing to establish and to hasten.

 

This could be the end of our recessionary fears –

Selling junk to Martians over pizza and some beers.

Soon their arid planet is completely overrun

With McDonalds, Hobby Lobby, Sanford and his son.

 

So H.G. Wells, who wrote about a deadly Mars invasion,

Is proven to be bass-ackwards about his dark equation.

Mars becomes our colony (though we won’t use that term)

And tourists will swarm over it, invasive as a germ.

Posted in Fantasy, Humor, Poetry | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

The Doctor Orders Another Test . . .

docmoney

When I go to the doctor he must always be redundant,

And order up so many tests I think he’s too abundant.

He wants to scan my liver and my lights, and what is more,

He wants to run a tube up . . . well, it’s sure to make me sore!

 

And what about the cost of all these pokings and the prying?

When I get the bill I feel like cracking up and crying!

He cannot tell anything about my parlous health

Without he also threatens my own retreating wealth.

 

I think I’ll give my doctor a prescription for a test,

And see if HE is liking it when he gets little rest.

He can be the patient and stay froze in flimsy robe,

While sadistic nurses torture him with nasty probe!

 

Posted in Health, Humor, Poetry | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Happy Hanukkah!

menorah

December 16, 2014 is

Hanukkah

Tonight at sundown marks the beginning of the eight-day Jewish celebration of Hanukkah, also known as the Festival of Lights!

Hanukkah starts on a different day each year according to the Western calendar, but it always begins on the 25th of Kislev on the Hebrew calendar. The word “Hanukkah” means dedication or induction, and the holiday signifies the rededication of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem after the Maccabees revolted against Alexander, Antiochus IV and his persecution of the Jews.

According to the Talmud, at the time of the rededication there was only enough oil left to burn the eternal flame in the temple for one day. It lasted for eight days—just the amount of time needed to make a fresh supply of oil. Hence, it is tradition at Hanukkah to light a candle on the menorah for each of the eight nights of Hanukkah.

Celebrate Hanukkah by lighting candles at nightfall, playing dreidel, sending a free Hanukkah eCard, or eating some delicious potato latkes! Happy Hanukkah!

Posted in Holidays | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

A Fig Leaf on a Far Darker Art.

David Carr

David Carr

 

The internet was bound to throw a Goebbels in our face;

Someone who has overcome their ties to truth and grace.

Taking all their bile and whipping up a clamor great,

He (or she) is floating on a sea of boiling hate.

 

I do not wish to name one person to this fetid role;

They may have a mother, or the remnants of a soul.

Perhaps they will repent of all the mischief they have done.

Perhaps they’ll learn the lesson that mud slinging isn’t fun.

 

Or, perhaps more probably, this person I’ll not name

Will find that others just as shabby batten on that fame.

They’ll use that person to expand their own nefarious schemes,

And drag that person down to hell with help from sordid dreams.

 

*****************************************************************

wellsfargo

This post is most assuredly NOT brought to you by Wells Fargo.  But if it was, they’d want you to know that they have a great deal of business expertise, that is at your service for a modest fee.

Posted in Editorial, Humor, Internet, Poetry | Tagged , | Leave a comment